Becoming a parent is one of life's most profound transformations. It's a journey filled with joy, new experiences, and a plethora of emotions. In whatever manner you become a parent - or a parent of two or three or more - it is easier with someone in your corner.
For nearly a decade, I have worked with growing families as a postpartum doula, lactation educator, and facilitator of new parent groups. As the Parento Director of Parent Experience, the lessons learned from those roles give me an intimate understanding of what parents need and a unique set of skills to meet those needs.
In case you are not familiar, a postpartum doula is a professional that assists the family after the baby is born. When parents think about postpartum doulas they are often dreaming of piles of clean laundry, solo naps, maybe some meal prep. To their delight and surprise, postpartum doulas also provide education, emotional support, compassion, care, and a calm presence. That is my favorite part - the part where I get to witness first hand the parenting transformation as the chaos shifts into place and the new normal emerges. Don’t get me wrong - I enjoy snuggling babies as much as the next person, but for me, being a postpartum doula was all about empowering and strengthening the parents.
The transition from postpartum doula to parent coach was a natural leap for me. As a coach, my primary focus is on helping parents succeed. My ultimate goal is for parents to feel confident and in control as an individual, a parent, and a professional. Having a strong background as a postpartum doula, provides me with an invaluable foundation that is unique in the world of parent coaching.
Here are some of the lessons I’ve learned along the way that I bring into every coaching relationship.
Parenting in this age of technology and rapid communication is hard. It is tempting to compare yourself in unrealistic ways. We see a curated version of parenthood in the media and even in our friends and families via social media. All of this leads parents to question if they are doing it “right”. The expectations are unrealistic and possibly even undesirable for your family.
Over the past 10 years working with families, I’ve developed a strong belief that there is no one right way for anything. The diversity of parenting styles, culture, traditions, family composition, and values is what makes our society beautiful and rich. Whether it is a major decision like religious traditions or a minor decision like whether or not to use cloth diapers - you are doing exactly what is right for your family.
And if you don’t yet know what is right for your family, that is okay too. As a coach, I guide new parents in setting realistic expectations for themselves, helping them understand that parenting is a series of trying something and then tweaking as more information becomes known or the situation changes. Just as there is no “one right way” there is nothing that says your way can’t change. In fact, that adaptability is a strength that will serve you well.
Not every parent at Parento who requests coaching is a new parent but many are and this is when my postpartum doula skills really come in handy! When I am working with expecting or new parents, my hands-on experience and knowledge of newborn care, postpartum recovery, and baby feeding can be an invaluable resource.
Our society has shifted over the decades and most new parents have no experience with newborns. It is not surprising that parents have a thousand questions because everything is brand new! As a doula and a coach, I encourage parents to ask all their questions. I provide a safe space where there is no such thing as a bad question.
Without any judgment, I provide practical advice, evidence-based practices and set realistic expectations all while demystifying the next stages.
While there is no instruction manual for newborns, having an experienced coach with an intimate knowledge of the newborn and postpartum period is the next best thing.
I don’t have to tell you that there is a glut of information about parenting and working parenthood. Google rabbit holes fuel parenting anxiety. Everyone online has an opinion (often with a horror story to emphasize). Nightstands are piled high with books that don’t quite fit your situation. This is true with all ages and stages of parenting.
As a doula I witnessed the self-doubt and anxiety that too much information can cause. It can be paralyzing and make amazing parents feel like they aren’t enough. As a parent coach, I partner with families to learn their specific circumstances and help them filter the information that is relevant to them. I customize guidance to suit the individual needs and goals of my clients. This personalized approach ensures that parents receive the support that's most relevant to their situation. It lessens the overwhelm, inspires confidence, and empowers parents to make decisions that work for their family.
As a postpartum doula, I have been invited into a vulnerable phase of life. Subjects that are generally taboo or information that you wouldn’t usually share is now all out in the open. As such, there is not much that I haven’t seen or heard. It is very hard to surprise me or make me uncomfortable with TMI.
As a coach I provide a safe space for parents to openly discuss a wide range of topics - especially those that may be awkward or uncomfortable in other situations. By freely discussing, these become normalized, less stigmatized, and able to be managed.
Weirded out by the physical changes you are going through? This is totally normal! Does the emotional roller coaster make you unrecognizable, even to yourself? You aren’t alone. Your family or friendship dynamics aren’t panning out the way that you hoped? I got you.
Yes, you! In my years of doula-ing and coaching, I’ve learned to appreciate that seeking information and asking for help is a sign of love. The fact that you are here, reading this post, tells me that you are extraordinary. Your willingness to learn and grow is a strength. Embrace the challenges, celebrate the victories, and remember that your love and the effort you are putting in, already makes you a truly amazing parent.
And if you need someone to remind you, give me a call. I’ll be here to encourage you through your parenting journey.
