In the latest episode of the Deep Dive, Amanda Hemm, Director of Parent Experience at Parento, and Kelly McGinnis from Incredible Families, a seasoned coach and parent, discuss how a strengths based approach can guide healthy parenting (especially working parents).
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Amanda and Kelly, both parents of teenagers, share their insights on how to navigate the complexities and joys of parenting at every stage. Their goal for this conversation was to dissect strength-based healthy parenting to help parents feel confident and energized in their parenting journey, regardless of the challenges they face.
Kelly, a strengths-based coach, emphasizes the significance of acknowledging and leveraging strengths in parenting (especially working parents). Strengths have been leveraged in the workplace for years, but they also have an effective place in parenting. In today's world, it's easy to fall into the comparison trap, looking at social media and feeling inadequate. However, focusing on strengths can transform frustration into excitement and energy. Parenting from natural strengths allows for a more enjoyable journey and fewer uphill battles.
Understanding and developing strengths is key to effective parenting and relationships.
Many parents are unaware of their strengths or may misuse them, leading to imbalance and frustration. Awareness and intentional development of strengths positively impact the environment. This approach supports both parental growth and children's development. It's a dynamic process, much like managing a team at work, where nurturing and supporting each individual's strengths leads to better outcomes.
A crucial aspect of successful parenting is finding the right balance between love and structure. Research consistently shows that the most successful kids have parents who balance warmth with clear boundaries and expectations. Instead of fitting into a specific parenting style label, it's essential to focus on these two questions children want to know:
"Do you love me?"
"Will you let me get away with anything I want?"
Maintaining the balance between these questions ensures that children feel loved and secure while understanding the importance of rules and responsibilities. Whether you relate to being an elephant, tiger, or even helicopter, each child-parent relationship is unique and understanding your child’s needs will help you move through each new stage of parenting with less friction and frustration.
Watch this Deep Dive conversation on LinkedIn
Amanda and Kelly also discussed mom guilt as a common struggle. Guilt often stems from a lack of confidence in abilities, either as a parent or professional. This can be made worse when the working world isn’t made for parents, when many working parents feel that they have to choose one of the other. Even for seasoned parents, each age and stage brings different challenges and possible adjustments in parenting.
This can also lead to burnout, which often occurs when someone is operating outside of their natural strengths. Not every part of every day will be exciting and enjoyable. The reality is that the day-to-day may include things that are stressful or annoying. Whether parents compare themselves to others that seem to “have it together” or have unrealistic expectations, by focusing on strengths, parents can retrain their brains to filter out negativity and build confidence.
This mindset shift allows them to honor and celebrate their own strengths and appreciate other parents’ strengths without feeling inadequate.
To help put this healthy parenting into perspective for everyday life, Kelly shared a practical tip for healthy parenting.
This simple strategy helps facilitate cooperation and reduces frustration, especially because usually parent and child goals may not align. For example, during summer break, kids are home more than usual and likely make messes that frustrate a parent. Perhaps they left a mess in the kitchen from making a snack, or leaving things scattered around the house. Over time, this clash of goals can escalate but naming the goals and communicating expectations can help put things into perspective so parents and children understand how to work together.
While the simple tip may not be effective for younger children, here are five takeaways from this deep dive conversation to help implement healthy parenting for children of all ages and stages.
Understanding unique abilities and strengths helps parents better connect with children and partners, especially when they’re balancing their home and work life. These tips can help working parents navigate the changing parenting journey with confidence, raising resilient and happy children.
